


Onward

by inshadesofblue



Series: Look For the Light [1]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Trans Character, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Swearing, Unofficial Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29976609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inshadesofblue/pseuds/inshadesofblue
Summary: Ellie struggles to mend her relationships when she returns to Jackson, although she’s finally starting to truly heal. Just when she thinks things are settling down, she hears rumors of Fireflies in California, and that they may be looking for a cure. What is the harm in checking it out, especially when her girlfriend is back by her side?Abby, against all odds, makes it to Catalina Island. For the first time in a long time, she feels safe. The Fireflies are looking for a cure once more, but she doesn’t want much to do with it. However, she will have to face her past and an uncertain future when she crosses paths with someone a little too familiar.Set after The Last of Us Part II, Onward is a tale of healing, understanding, and possibly a new hope for the future.
Relationships: Abby & Ellie (The Last of Us), Abby & Lev (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Series: Look For the Light [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2204898
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Forward - Ellie

Jackson had changed a lot since the last time she’d been there. After sitting out at the farm for so long and then trekking to Santa Barbara, Ellie had almost forgotten what it was like. She’d also forgotten how painful it was, being there again. Too many memories of people long gone.

She had no idea where Dina was living. Just that she had to find her, had to at least try to make things right. Deep down, she knew it might be too late for that. Too late to mend their broken relationship. And Tommy. How the hell was she supposed to tell Tommy what had happened? That Abby was right there, and she couldn’t do it? She would never forget the disappointment on his face when she told him that she wasn't going to Santa Barbara. She would never forget the way he had cried out in pain as she stitched his wound back in Seattle.

She shook away the anxiety, or at least tried. A few people she passed stared at her a little too long. She wondered if they all knew where she’d been.

It was nearly March, the two-year-anniversary of Joel’s death. In a way, she was glad to be here for it. She could go visit his grave, pay her respects. She could visit Jesse’s, too, although his body never left Seattle. He was buried in a shallow grave by a theater that she would never go back to. Alone. 

‘No more thinking about Seattle,’ she told herself. ‘That won’t do you any good.’ Instead of dwelling on it, she made her way to Tommy and Maria’s place.

She avoided the main part of Jackson, instead opting to sneak around the back way. She had never enjoyed being stared at, and she knew she would get plenty of stares if she walked directly through town. She shivered, even with her coat on. The cold was really getting to her after being in that Santa Barbara heat. All she wanted was a warm fireplace to sit by.

Finally, the house was in sight. It was a humble place, a log cabin. She wasn’t sure if Tommy and Maria still lived together. Last she’d heard, they had split, at least for a while. Still, she had to try. Either one of them would likely know where Dina was staying.

She walked up the porch steps, took a deep breath, and knocked. There was some shuffling inside, and then she saw Tommy’s face as he opened up the door.

“Well, I’ll be,” he said. He scanned Ellie up and down for a moment. “Jesus, kid, I weren’t sure I’d ever see your face again. None of us were.”

Ellie shrugged. “What can I say? I'm full of surprises." She meant for it to be funny, but it came out dry, as if it was an insult, not a joke.

Tommy almost chuckled, but he looked in too much disbelief to laugh. “Come in,” he said, pulling the door open a little wider. Ellie walked in and settled on the worn leather couch, finally able to take off her backpack and rest a moment. Her feet ached terribly after all that walking.

Tommy sat in a chair across from her, and Ellie already knew she was going to be assaulted with questions. Where was Abby? Did she ever find her? Was she dead like Tommy had hoped? She didn't want to answer any of them, but then again, what choice did she have?

“Was she there?” Tommy asked solemnly. Ellie knew that she could answer a few different ways. She could tell the truth, the whole truth; Abby was there, and in the end, she chose to spare her life. Or, she could tell the half-truth; Abby was there, and she had killed her. Finally, there was the lie. Abby wasn’t there at all. The information was wrong.

She took in a deep breath, trying to make her final decision. She didn’t want Tommy to hate her… but she also wasn’t sure if she could handle the guilt of lying to him. After all the guilt she already carried on her shoulders, carrying more felt awful, like she was hauling a bag of bricks around and one more would make her keel over. She thought again of Jesse, how he had chased after her and it how it had gotten him killed. She thought of how she treated Joel for years, how she walked out on Dina. No more guilt.

“Abby was there,” Ellie said. “Your information was right. I found her.” She looked down at her two missing fingers. She’d had to cauterize them on the road, some of the worst pain she’d ever felt. “She didn’t want to fight me.”

Tommy scoffed. “Well, shoulda thought of that before she left you, me and Dina for dead back in Seattle. Fuckin’ bitch.” He looked at Ellie intently. “But you gave her a fight, didn’t you?”

Ellie nodded slowly. “Yeah. She was… half dead. These assholes had her strung up on a pole. Her and the kid.” 

“Good.” Tommy leaned back in his chair a little bit. “So how did you kill her? Shot her? Stabbed her? After what she did to Joel-”

“I didn’t kill her,” Ellie interrupted. The words almost got caught in her throat. “I just… couldn’t.” She looked from her lap up to Tommy, whose mouth was slightly ajar in surprise. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. The air in the room suddenly felt too thick. It felt like the Santa Barbara air, right on the beach. Wet air, the kind that made you feel sweaty the moment you stepped into it.

“Sorry,” Tommy said to himself in disbelief. “Sorry. Yeah, I bet she’s real fuckin’ sorry for what she did, huh? Killing Jesse? All that shit in Seattle? And you have the goddamn nerve to go out there and look for her, leave her alive, and then come back to me telling me sorry.” His voice rose with nearly every word, and Ellie couldn’t help but cringe. Still, she stayed. She had known this was going to happen.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” Ellie murmured, keeping her eyes on Tommy. “Nothing. And Dina tried to tell me that, and I didn’t listen. I looked at that kid…” She trailed off, remembering the boat. The poor kid, barely breathing. “I remembered watching Joel… you know. And I looked at him, and I remembered how Joel protected me when I was younger and hadn’t ever shot anyone before. I couldn’t do it.” She looked down at her fingers once again. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

There was a moment of tense silence. There was no going back from this. She had no idea where Abby went, and she knew that even if she did have an idea, she wasn’t going after her. Even if Dina was done with her, even if she had nowhere to stay in Jackson, she would never go on that quest again. After everything she had done, none of it had given her peace. Killing Abby wouldn't have given her peace.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” Tommy said quietly. “I need to fuckin’ think.” He buried his head in his hands, and if he hadn't yelled at her a moment before, she would have walked over to him. Put a hand on his shoulder. 

Instead, Ellie said nothing. She simply grabbed her backpack and threw it over her shoulder, even more lost than before. 

Once she was outside, she furiously wiped away a few tears. There was one more place she could go to look. Jesse’s parents' house. They had offered many times a bed for Dina and Ellie to sleep in, and multiple times, Ellie and Dina had refused the offer. Part of Ellie thought she should just go back to the farmhouse, but she knew logically that Dina wouldn’t be there. She wouldn’t try to run that place all by herself, especially not when she also had to take care of JJ. It was a two-person job, and Ellie had forced her to go at it alone.

So, she weaved between houses until she came to a house similar to Joel’s. It was plain on the outside, but she knew that the inside was full of random knick-knacks. Robin and Adam just liked having a house full of stuff. 

Somehow, this was an even harder door to knock on than Tommy’s had been. “Come on, Ellie,” she said to herself. “You got this. Just… tell her everything.” She sighed, a little too loudly, and walked off the porch. She almost left, but the door to the house unexpectedly opened, making her jump. 

“Ellie?”

She was turned away from the door, but at the sound of that voice, she spun around. There was Dina, holding JJ in her arms. She was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, and her hair was a mess, but Ellie could have sworn that she’d never seen anything so beautiful. 

“Hi,” Ellie said weakly. She was already almost in tears. “I..." She started to speak, but the words just wouldn't come out. Her throat felt as if she'd shoved cotton down it.

Dina didn’t smile, but she didn’t leave, either. Her gaze wandered to Ellie’s hand. “Jesus, El.” Their eyes met. “What the hell did you do?”

Ellie subconsciously messed with her fingers. “I…” She sighed. "Abby. Bit them off."

Dina looked down at her feet for a moment. "Fuck," she said softly. She then looked back at Ellie. "Is she..."

Ellie took a moment to answer. "No," she murmured. "She isn't."

Dina just stood there for a moment, her eyes fixed on Ellie. She disappeared into the house for a moment, and came back without JJ in her arms. Ellie hadn't left. She felt glued to the spot, like she was frozen. 

"Why?" Dina asked. She took a seat on one of the porch steps. 

Ellie slowly walked towards her and took a seat beside Dina on the steps. "It wouldn't change anything. I was just... too much of an idiot to realize that." They sat in silence, one that was somehow not tense despite their recent history. "I came here to say that I'm sorry. You were right. She's not more important than you and JJ."

Dina was quiet for a moment. "I don't know if I can ever forgive you for what you did."

"I know," Ellie mumbled. "I understand."

"But," Dina continued. "I know that I can try. And I know that I love you, even though I'm trying not to yell at you." Ellie couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at that. "And I just need you to promise me a few things."

Ellie looked over at Dina, their eyes meeting. She had missed those eyes so much. "Anything."

"Firstly," Dina said, "You never ever pull something like that again. Secondly, you tell me everything that happened in Santa Barbara." She took one of Ellie's hands in hers. "Third of all, you promise me that you'll try to heal. Really heal this time." 

Ellie wiped a tear off of Dina's cheek. "I promise." Dina leaned into her chest, breaking down into tears. Ellie wrapped her arms around her, holding her tight as if she would disappear otherwise. "I love you. I love you so much, and I'm sorry."

After a few minutes, the pair went inside, and Ellie told Dina everything, hoping that they would be okay.


	2. Catalina - Abby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doing my best to post a chapter per day. I have some written already, and the whole story is plotted out. Thank you for reading!

The mist was so thick that it was hard to see even a few feet ahead. At least the water was calm. In the distance, Abby could hear gunshots, screams. Ellie must have let the prisoners go. 

The engine stopped, causing Abby to groan in frustration. With a couple pulls and a lot of pain, she got it started again. 

“Abby…” Lev moaned, turning slightly towards her.

“It’s okay,” Abby reassured him. “The boat is working.” ‘Just have to get to the damn island,’ she told herself. She squeezed her eyes shut, thinking back to the map she’d had. Was Catalina North or South of The Rattlers? She couldn’t remember, so she just kept the boat going, hoping that the mist would clear.

It felt like an eternity, trying to steer the boat, but finally, the mist was letting up. She could see again. Her entire body ached, all the wounds she had received earlier finally causing her throbbing pains that she felt all over. Abby doubted that she had ever felt this tired in her life. 

Finally, she saw something in the distance. Something tall. She wouldn’t have seen it if not for the lights in the distance and the moonlight shining across the ocean. She couldn’t help but gasp as she turned the boat towards it. “Lev, we’re almost there, okay? Just hold on.” She placed one of her hands on his shoulder, and he managed a weak groan in response.

The boat limped along, and Abby wished it would go faster. As she got closer, she saw that they had lights along the shore. Catalina Island. Fireflies.

The boat made it to shore, and when Abby looked from Lev to the shoreline, several people had guns aimed at her and Lev. Slowly, Abby put her arms up in surrender. 

“Who are you, and why are you here?” One of them demanded. 

“I’m Abby,” she said, her voice raspy. “I called in from 2425 Constance. I was stationed at the Salt-” She took a moment to cough. “At the Salt Lake base. Jerry Anderson ran it. He was my dad.”

One of the Fireflies stepped forward, holding up a lantern. “Goddamn,” he said. She recognized the voice. She’d heard him on the radio, months ago. That felt like a different lifetime. “I figured you’d died trying to make it here.” He must have been only a few years older than Abby, about thirty. He looked over at his companions. “Help her out. Looks like she needs some medical attention.” He then turned back to Abby. “Can you walk?”

“Y-yes,” Abby said. “But he can’t.”

“I’ll get him,” one of the other Fireflies said. He was tall, strong like Abby used to be. Abby got out of the boat, albeit very slowly. She nearly collapsed once she got out, but the Firefly that she’d spoken to before quickly came to her aid, propping her up.

“You’ve had one hell of a journey to get here, huh?” He asked as they limped along towards a large building in the distance. Abby didn’t respond; she was half asleep, nearly dead on her feet. “Don’t worry, I got you.” He had a nice voice, a calming one. It was smooth, optimistic.

Abby fell, and the world went black.

When she woke up, she was in a bed surrounded by curtains. There was an IV in her arm, and the lights of the room were so bright that it took her a moment to adjust. 

It took her a minute to remember what had happened. She looked at her chest. Stitches. Her arm? More stitches. She remembered the fight along the coastline, the boat ride to Catalina. Where was Lev?

She forced herself to sit up, although her body was stiff from all the injuries and from lying still for so long. “Hello?” She called out. “Anyone?”

Someone pushed the curtains aside and walked in, and immediately she felt relief wash over her. “Abby!” Lev nearly threw himself into her arms, making her laugh. “I was so worried about you.”

“I’m alright,” Abby said as Lev pulled away. “What about you? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Lev laughed softly, and Abby nearly cried. It had been so long since she had seen him smile. All those long days working for the Rattlers had nearly broken him. Both of them, actually. “I’m not hurt,” he said. “They gave me medicine for the sunburns, an IV, and they made me drink a lot of water. I got off of bed rest yesterday.” He looked at Abby for a long few seconds. “You look so much better now.”

“Well, let’s hope,” Abby said. She coughed, and Lev grabbed a glass of water off the bedside table and gently poured some into her mouth. She ended up chugging the whole glass. “God, I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy about water,” she sighed.  
Lev smiled. “I’ll be right back,” he said. Before Abby could ask where he was going, we had already left. 

She laid back in bed, allowing her eyes to close for a moment. This was only a shitty hospital bed, but she swore it was one of the most comfortable beds in the world. 

Sure enough, Lev came back, and beside him was a familiar face. The Firefly on the radio, the one who had held her up when she got out of the boat. “Hey, Abby.”

“Hey,” Abby said back. Her voice was already sounding less raspy. “I never got your name.”

“This is Caleb,” Lev said. “He has something for you.” He then looked at Caleb, who stepped towards Abby. 

“You plan on staying, right?” Abby nodded. “Then this is for you.” He gently handed her something, and she couldn’t keep the smile off of her face. It was a Firefly pendant, one with her name on it. She felt a pang of sadness knowing that she would never see Owen’s Firefly pendant again. She had kept it with her, but like a lot of other things, the Rattlers had taken it.

“Thank you,” she said, slowly putting it around her neck. It felt familiar, reminding her of easier days long ago. She looked over at Lev, who was holding up a Firefly pendant of his own. She hadn’t noticed it, as it had been tucked into his shirt.

“They got me one, too,” he said proudly. “And we have a room, when you’re ready. It’s at one of those big hotels on the island. It’s right next door.”

“It’s still going to be a day or two before she’s ready, kid,” Caleb said. “Now, can you give Abby and I a moment to talk?”

Lev nodded, gave Abby another smile, and left the room. It was just Abby and Caleb.

“Thanks. For everything,” Abby said. 

Caleb shrugged. “Just glad to finally have you here.” He paused for a moment. “Mind telling me what took you so long?”

“Rattlers,” Abby said. “We were stuck there for months. We tried to escape, got caught… they put us up on the pillars.”

“Geez,” Caleb said. “I figured it had something to do with those assholes. They give us shit every time we go to the mainland for more supplies. How the hell did you get out?”

Abby wasn’t quite sure where to begin. She had told Lev the whole story throughout their travels, but she wasn’t sure if this guy would be as empathetic as Lev had been. “You know what happened at the Salt Lake base, right?”

Caleb sighed and leaned against the base of Abby’s bed. “Yeah. Everyone does. We lost a lot there.”

“The guy who did all that killed my dad,” Abby said. It still hurt to talk about that day. Especially now that Owen, who had comforted her, was also dead and gone. “I tracked him down, took him out.” Caleb’s brows furrowed in confusion, so Abby kept talking. “There was this girl. She walked in on us doing it. My friends and I spared her, but she came after us. All the way to Seattle. I spared her again, but she came after me. We met up in Santa Barbara.” Abby looked down at her new Firefly pendant. “She cut us both down. Got me pretty good, but she spared me.” 

Caleb let out a low whistle. “Goddamn,” he said. “That’s a lot.”

“Yeah.” Abby still had no idea why Ellie had hunted her down not once, but twice, only to spare her life in the end, but she was grateful for the second chance. She just hoped that they never crossed paths again. “In a fucked-up sorta way, I guess I owe her my life.”

“She’s not going to come here, is she?” Abby shook her head. “Good. We got enough problems to deal with as is.”

“What sort of problems?” Abby shifted so that she was sitting up in her bed rather than lying down. It would do her back some good to be in a different position. “Rattlers?”

“Well, yeah,” Caleb said. “But also supplies. There’s a lot of stuff we need. We’re running low on medical equipment. We had farming supplies gathered on the mainland, but those fucking Rattlers stole them. Killed some of our guys.”

“How many of you are there?” There had been about two hundred last time she had checked, back in Santa Barbara. 

“Two-hundred-fifty-three. Exactly,” Caleb said. “That’s counting you and Lev. We have the manpower to take out some of them, get our supplies back, but you know how big that place is. Multiple buildings. They’re spread out.”  
“That girl… the one who tried to kill me,” Abby began. “She let most of the prisoners go. I could hear gunshots. It sounded like they were fighting back.”

Caleb nodded. “Good. If they didn’t manage to take the main base, at least some of those assholes are dead. The less we have to deal with, the better.” He paused for a moment, looking at her intently. “You think you’ll be ready to head out in a couple of days?”

Abby thought for a moment, about Lev and her father and Owen. “Yeah,” she said. “I’ll be ready.”


	3. Memoria - Ellie

Ellie was grateful to have Robin and Adam around. She had explained everything to them, and they had understood.

Dina had gotten a job in the local gardens, which was perfect considering she had plenty of experience from her time spent at the farm. Things with Dina weren’t perfect. There were some awkward silences, and a lot of time spent in separate rooms, but that was okay. They both needed time.

One of Ellie’s favorite things was spending time with JJ. She had missed him so much, and whenever she held him it felt like a miracle. He had gotten so big since the farm. She had missed his first word, too. “Ellie,” he had said. It made her heart sink that she wasn’t there for it, but at least she had time with him now.

It was mid-April. Though it was still cold, the snow had finally thawed. Spring had arrived. 

Ellie sat on the porch outside, wearing a coat. JJ sat in her lap, snuggled up against her. Jackson was quiet, peaceful. The air felt crisp in Ellie’s lungs, and she savored every breath of it. 

“How are my people doing?” Dina asked, stepping out onto the porch. She gently took a seat besides Ellie. “Brr, it’s chilly.”

“A little,” Ellie said. She gave Dina a smile, which was quickly returned. “What’s up?”

Dina shrugged. “Put leftovers away, that’s about it.” They sat in silence for a moment, comfortably. JJ snuggled even closer into Ellie’s chest. “I’ve been thinking about some things.”

“Yeah?” 

“Joel’s house still has all his stuff in it,” Dina began. “I think… maybe we could go live there. If that’s okay. I don’t want to take up Adam and Robin’s space anymore.”

Ellie thought about it for a moment. She would have to clean the place up a little bit, make it hers instead of Joel’s, but something about living in that house made her feel safe. Maybe it would be a good thing. 

“I think we should,” Ellie said.

Dina gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Oh!” She pulled away. “Almost forgot.” From the pocket of her jacket, she took out the bracelet that she had given Ellie in Seattle. Ellie had left it behind before going to Santa Barbara. “I wanted to give this back to you.”

“Dina, you don’t have-”

“Shush. I gave it to you for a reason, remember?” Ellie did remember. She remembered a little too much from that trip.

“I remember.” Ellie held out her wrist and Dina secured the bracelet. “Thank you.” 

“It’s rightfully yours,” Dina responded. She gave Ellie an actual kiss this time, although it was short. 

There was one thing that Ellie wanted to bring up. “I think I’m going to go back to the farmhouse. Just to say goodbye, you know?”

Dina sighed. “Go ahead, I just…”

“What?”

“You sure it’s not going to bring back bad memories? I know how you suffered there.” Dina’s eyes were full of concern.

“That’s why I have to go,” Ellie said. “I want to let go of that place, you know?”

Dina nodded, and gave Ellie a soft smile. “I’m proud of you, you know?”

“And I’m proud of you,” Ellie responded. She heard JJ snore softly against her chest. “I think it’s this little guy’s bedtime.”

“We all know how hard it is to be a baby,” Dina said, chuckling. “Come on. Let’s get inside.”

They both stood up and made their way into the house. Adam and Robin were already asleep. They always went to bed early. Ellie and Dina tiptoed to their room, and Ellie gently laid JJ down in his crib.

“Real glad he sleeps more now,” Ellie whispered.

“Me, too.” Dina took off her coat, and then approached Ellie. Slowly, before resting her hands on the sides of Ellie’s face and kissing her.

Ellie’s hands instinctively landed at Dina’s waist. A few kisses later, and they were in bed, their shoes and coats discarded on the floor.

“You sure?” Ellie asked. “We haven’t done this since…”

“Before Santa Barbara, I know,” Dina said. “I’ve missed it.” She gave Ellie a smirk, and that was the end of that.

Afterwards, Dina laid on Ellie’s chest, listening to her soft breathing. “Are you happy?” She asked softly.

“So happy,” Ellie said. She remembered all the times she had said that on the farm, and how it was almost always a lie. She hadn’t been happy then, but she was now. “I love you.”

“Love you too, you sap,” Dina said, laughing. 

Miraculously, JJ stayed asleep.

______

The next day, Ellie headed out to the farm. It wasn’t such a long way that she felt she had to ride there, so she walked, backpack on her shoulders.

The scenery was still somewhat dreary, considering the snow had barely thawed, but Ellie still felt at peace among the trees and the bushes. When the house came into sight, she felt ready for it. 

It was strange, standing in the house that was almost completely empty. Most of the windows were open, filling the house with fresh air. She checked the extra room on the ground floor. Empty. Upstairs, her bedroom was empty. The only room left alone was her studio.

She stepped in, immediately surrounded by her own artwork. There were boxes of records on the floor, her easel still in the corner. A million memories came to her all at once, most of them not happy ones. She had cried a lot in this room. 

She spotted her guitar case and walked over to it. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to play guitar anymore, but she was willing to try. The case opened, and there was her guitar, the very one that Joel had given her when she was fifteen and things between them were still good.

She stared at it for a moment before picking it up and taking a seat on one of the chairs in the corner. Softly, she tried to play. It sort of worked, but it wasn’t the same. It never would be the same. She had ruined that.

The night that Dina had kissed her, she had made her way to Joel’s house, and she had tried to forgive him. She had tried. She sat there for a moment, the memory overwhelming her. Part of her wanted to take this guitar and bring it home, but she knew that there was no point in doing that. All it would do was serve as a painful reminder of what happened.

She placed her guitar against the windowsill, looked down at it for a moment, and then left it all behind, feeling a little more at peace.

Now, back to Jackson.


End file.
